Released at the end of 2024 for the UK was the latest book from Mel Robbins.
The Let Them Theory
Quick Review
This book introduces you to the Let them theory. A book all about taking your power back from other people. People have called this a ‘Life Changing’ Book. So far, I am inclined to agree. It makes you view circumstances and interactions with other people and yourself very differently. I am still in the early stages of using this tool, but so far I am seeing good results from it.
The idea revolves around you saying to yourself ‘Let Them’ when certain situations come up involving other people or emotions. By saying this it relinquishes any control that you thought you had. Following up with ‘Let Me’ allows you to take control of your response to the situation and turn it around to a positive outcome.
I have been a fan of Mel Robbins for years (Mel if you’re reading, wouldn’t say no to working together somehow!). I use other tools that she has created such as the 5 Second Rule (that I swear by!) and the High 5 habit. Mel has done it again with Let Them!
I am looking forward to using this tool and would highly recommend anyone reading this to find out for themselves. It is worth a purchase. I am sure I will re-read this further down the year to fully appreciate and understand the tool.
Read below if you would like to explore this tool in a more indepth way.
Review in Depth
The book is broken down into sub sections with smaller chapters in each one. It gives clear examples in each of how to use the rule and the psychology behind it. The idea is to gain an understanding of what it is, how to use it, when to use it and how it works.
Below I will go into each section to give a little summary and overview – This is no substitute for the book but it will give you an idea of what to expect.
Managing Stress – The book begins on this section of managing stress, this is a key area of focus for me and for people at W+P. Stress is all around and can be a major stumbling block for getting to the success that we all desire. By following Mel’s instruction of Let Them, you see a different perspective of the Stresses.
The book gives different practical examples to show how this works. Having used it personally during work and having a big ‘to do’ list with management breathing down my neck, I used Let Them, followed by Let me. Admittedly, it took a few goes but I did feel calmer and more in control following the steps the book suggests.
Any tool to reduce stress or change it to a positive stress is a good tool in my opinion.
Dealing with other peoples opinions – This was an interesting chapter. Other peoples opinions are something that we all come across whether that be at work, at home or with friends. If you are anything like me, I usually have a strong opinion on things but keep this to myself and try to have an open mind. Other people may not be the same.
When issues arise and people offer their opinions, whether asked for or not, you can use the Let them, Let me theory to regain control and let go of controlling what others think. This is mostly because, controlling what other people think just doesn’t happen and won’t work. So bringing it back to ‘Let me’ gives you the power back. Mel demonstrates this in different ways from work to home life. I am using the rule and it does help with this.
I don’t know about you but I am a control freak and trying to let go of things can be hard work. ‘Let them’ can be a tool to help with this.
Dealing with someone else’s emotional reactions – This chapter was great as so many occasions with others, being family, friends or colleagues can be tricky when they have an emotional reaction to something that you are not prepared for.
Mel emphasises the importance of the Let Them theory tool for this as it puts the focus back on you and how you react rather than fixate on the other person. This can be one of the hardest things to do, especially when most of the time, all you want to do is help.
There are many occasions when the best thing to do is acknowledge their reaction and let them process it on their own terms. Trying to control their reaction will not work.
Protect your energy and put your focus on your reaction.
Overcoming chronic comparison – This section really hit me hard. The more I read, the more I realised that I compared myself to others, even without realising it. Social media, other influencers, family members, friends, colleagues, even random people. All these people I have compared myself too and I am sure some of you have too.
Mel identifies this and explains that comparison is natural and sometimes we can control it or our emotional response to it. What we can control is our reaction to it. Using the Let Them, Let Me tool. It gets you to change the perspective and change the narrative to Let them guide the way for me to get what I want. Let me go for my own goals and get that for myself.
Using Jealousy to be an advantage or positive dramatically changes your response. This mind-set shift is something I am very interested in and want to explore as part of W+P as the biggest problem I want to solve here is my own and your own mind-set.
Mastering adult friendship –
A chapter covering the trials and tribulations of adult friendships. It highlights that many people do not get over the friendships from younger years and the differences between making friends then to now. Using this theory supports understanding friends’ situations and the knowledge that friendships will look different.
I know from personal experience, if someone I know well has gone quiet for a substantial amount of time, I get worried that I have done something wrong. This is not the case and life just gets busy.
Mel highlights this and suggests the Let them, Let me tool to help bring things back into perspective, not jump to conclusions and create a plan for you to move forward.
Motivating other people to change – An interesting topic and thought. One that we maybe don’t think we do but subtly I think we all do to some degree. This can cover people from colleagues, family, friends and partners. Using the Let them theory according to Mel will allow you to detach yourself from the compulsion to motivate others. It will allow you to focus on you and your choice to proceed rather than the other person.
Helping someone who is struggling –
This linked closely to a few other chapters, especially one above. I think within all of us, there are people that when they struggle we want to help. This is natural but it is not always the right thing to do.
There are many occasions when letting people help themselves and finding their own path is the best decision. Using Mel’s Let Them Theory, is one way to help remove yourself from the situation when you don’t need to be there fully.
Choosing the love that you deserve – I won’t spend a lot of time on this section as honestly, I don’t have the experience! I am sure that using this rule follows the guidance in the book for breakups etc. works but my lack of experience does not qualify me to make a judgment so anyone reading out there, feel free to share. Should this ever change for me personally, you will see an updated Post!
Conclusion
I know this book is one that I will re-read and it has a prominent place on my bookshelf, alongside Mel’s other books. This has shown me a way of getting my control back in many different circumstances. I am trying to use the tool more and more. The more I use it, the better I will get and the more impact it will have on my life.
I would highly recommend that anyone reading this to explore Mel’s other tools and projects from her podcast to books such as the 5 Second Rule and High 5 Habit.
https://www.youtube.com/c/melrobbins
These tools I use on a daily basis and they have played a big part in getting me to where I am today. I always look forward to what else these tools will support me to achieve.
If you have any recommendations of books that you would like me to try or think that it will have a great impact on our success then let me know in the comments. Get in touch through socials and check out other posts including about the new direction of this brand.
To our success,
Jonathan 🙂